Experiencing the confusion, distress, and chaos of narcissistic abuse takes a serious toll on the mind, body, and spirit.
You can get the support you need and deserve.
Whether it is a new relationship or a renewed connection from the past, narcissistic relationships often start out positively —with kind words and gestures that make us feel valued, cared for, and respected.
Over time, things start to feel "off." Sometimes we can't put a finger on it. As we hustle and work harder for less and less acceptance, respect, or love, the demands and entitlement on their part only increase.
We sense that we are being increasingly devalued, but pleading, reasoning, working harder, or even simply abiding don't help—and often only exacerbate the antagonism.
For some, who have a narcissistic family member or other person who is closely tied to their life, these patterns of feeling targeted, isolated, and devalued may have been endured since childhood.
Often, especially if they are the only target, the rest of the family or community is baffled as to why the target of the abuse is having such a problem, and will label it as a 'two to tango' issue that has to be worked out between the two- not as a longstanding abusive relationship that will not be solved by strategies that work in healthy relationships such as compromise, family counseling or mediation.
Why Assertive Communication, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Strategies, and Traditional Boundary Setting Skills Don't Work in Narcissistic Relationships (And Sometimes Make it Worse)
The traditional communication and boundary-setting skills often suggested and taught by mental health professionals don't work in these situations because the narcissist lacks empathy and sees the relationship as transactional.
Due to this, they're usually purposely ignoring your boundaries, needs, and feelings so that they can extract from you whatever they are looking to extract —whether it be time, attention, validation, money, your energy, emotional labor/support, family caregiving, domestic labor, or social, educational, or professional support or currency.
While there are many styles and types of narcissistic abuse, the core playbook of tactics used by narcissistic abusers is remarkably similar and predictable.
Once we become aware of the dynamics and functions of the tactics being used, we can begin to understand ourselves and our relationship in a different light.
We stop trying to utilize communication skills that only work in healthy relationships and instead start navigating these relationships in ways that protect our peace, health, and lives.
"The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do."
-Seth Godin
Having an experienced guide can be immensely useful as you navigate towards a path of peace, freedom, self-kindness, and healing.
I'm currently pursuing certification as a Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician through a clinical program led by narcissistic abuse treatment expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and I'd be delighted to support you on your healing journey.
Narcissistic abuse can happen to anybody, and in any area of one's life.
Some of the following roles or settings encompass some of the more common situations in which narcissistic abuse may occur:
-Parents, siblings, or larger parts of family systems
-Friendships and sometimes friend groups
-Romantic relationships
-The workplace
-Academic environments
-Athletic or sports environments
-Churches and other spiritual and community organizations
Some common signs of narcissistic behavior include the following:
The relationship becomes more transactional over time
Experts at revisionist history and alternate reality
Emotional manipulation
Triangulation with others
Lack of empathy
Angered by the boundaries of others
A deep concern with outward appearances
Chronic criticism of others
Blame shifting
A lack of humility
Competitive and jealous
Smear campaigns when the relationship ends