Experiencing the confusion, distress, and chaos of narcissistic abuse takes a serious toll on the mind, body, and spirit. 

You can get the support you need and deserve.

Whether it is a new relationship or a rekindled connection, narcissistic relationships often begin positively —with kind words and gestures that make us feel valued, cared for, and respected. 

Over time, things start to feel "off." Sometimes we can't put a finger on it. As we hustle and work harder for less and less acceptance, respect, or love, the demands and entitlement on their part only increase.

 We sense that we are being increasingly devalued, but pleading, reasoning, people-pleasing, or even simply acquiescing don't help—and often only exacerbate the antagonism.  

Why Assertive Communication, Nonviolent Communication, and Boundary Setting Don't Work in Narcissistic Relationships (And Sometimes Make it Worse)

The traditional communication and boundary-setting skills often suggested and taught by mental health professionals don't work because the narcissist lacks empathy and sees the relationship as transactional. 

Due to this, they're usually purposely ignoring your boundaries so that they can extract from you whatever they are looking to extract —whether it be time, money, your energy, emotional labor/support, family caregiving, domestic labor, or social, educational, or professional connections or gain.  

While there are many styles and types of narcissistic abuse, the basic playbook of tactics used by narcissistic abusers is remarkably similar and predictable.

Once we become aware of the dynamics and functions of the tactics being used, we can begin to understand ourselves and our relationship in a different light. 

We stop trying to utilize communication skills that only work in healthy relationships and instead start navigating these relationships in ways that protect our peace, health, and lives.

"The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do."

-Seth Godin

Having an experienced guide can be immensely useful as you navigate towards a path of peace, freedom, self-kindness, and healing. 

I'm currently pursuing certification as a Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician through a clinical program led by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and I'd be delighted to support you on your healing journey.

Narcissistic abuse can happen to anybody, and in any area of one's life. 

Some of the following roles or settings encompass some of the more common situations in which narcissistic abuse may occur:

-Parents, siblings, or larger parts of family systems

-Friendships and sometimes friend groups

-Romantic relationships

-The workplace

-Academic environments

-Athletic or sports environments

-Churches and other spiritual and community organizations

Some signs that you may be experiencing narcissistic abuse include:

-Experiencing increasing levels of antagonistic behavior followed by short intermissions of the original kinder behavior, often called "breadcrumbing"

-Having one's reality or recollection of events questioned when bringing up a situation that has been disrespectful or crossed boundaries

-Experiencing a lack of receiving empathy from the narcissist while being expected to overempathize with their feelings, needs, goals, etc. 

-A sense of brash entitlement to your time, money, emotional energy, support, and resources, while having little to no offering of support or resources in return

-A relationship that starts out feeling relational but increasingly feels more and more transactional

-Finding oneself apologizing or feeling bad for bringing up concerns due to the abuser immediately making any conversation about their feelings, needs, and pain rather than being able to hold space for your concern, hurt, or pain

-When setting a boundary or taking a step back from the relationship, having others (often called 'flying monkeys') in your shared circle argue on their behalf or invalidate your experience or concerns, due to them: a) not having had the same experience of the abuser as you, due to them not having been targeted, b) having a higher level of tolerance to the abusive behavior, c) or both

-Having a gut feeling of dread or not wanting to be near the person when an upcoming get-together or event of spending time together is planned

-Sensing that they talk badly about you to others when you are not around, but they never address any concerns directly with you, even when you ask if something is wrong

-A pattern of them rarely or never taking accountability, apologizing, or attempting to make true amends for their part of a rupture in the relationship when conflicts, big or small, occur

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and many other dynamics and signs are also part of the narcissistic abuse playbook. 

Additionally, narcissism exists on a spectrum from extreme self-centeredness and selfishness to more malignant and intentionally malevolent and exploitative behaviors. 

Regardless of where the behavior pattern falls on the spectrum, the relational patterns employed by narcissists are harmful and ultimately hurt those with whom they are involved. 

It can get better, and I can help.

You can get the support you need and deserve.

I'd be delighted to work with you.

You're warmly invited to reach out at any time to discuss working together.